You said you’ll never leave me.
In the end, you did and reached a peak much greater than what I saw before we came to where we are.
While you’re up there, I’m still down here.
Alone and missing you.
I miss you.
You have your career, you have a family.
I don’t anymore.
I can’t even have that.
So tell me if every decision till now was ever worthwhile.
Dear Mom,
I don’t hear you cry anymore. I don’t have to stay in my room where I anticipate the quiet muffles and awkwardness as I lay my head down to rest on my pillow as you and dad whisper your arguments just so I wouldn’t be hurt with the things that I might have heard.
I know your happy now. Not entirely but happier then when it was like before. You have a new life, a new kid whom I’m proud to be an older sibling to. I just can’t help shake that feeling off that you and dad left me somewhere in the remnant of an old past that you terribly don’t want to go through and forget.
I know you tell me stories that we are lucky that I didn’t have to go through the bitter arguments like my step brother does with his other family. However, you fail to see that I come to realise that the same pain still hits me as I step back to look at the bigger picture. I don’t have you and dad anymore around me.
No matter how many times I look back into my heart to make sure you and dad were there like the way you used to be, I still come back to an empty house anyway.
There’s no more dinner on the table like there used to. There’s no more whining or nagging for me to take a shower or to pray. There are no more sweet nuances that sweeten life a bit when I’m having a bad day.
I give.
You deserved to be happy after what dad put you through. You did your best during the days that you had to pull through the rough rocks of your life and I regretted not being able to help you as I just selfishly continued on to just achieve what I needed for my own.
I yearn for you to be back. I understand that you look past the mountains at where you live right now and you want me to be on the other side waiting for you to come. I so badly want to be on the other side just waiting for you to come for me.
They told me I was strong and I guess I was to be there for you and pa. But I’m not strong against this yearning for you and pa to be back like everybody else’s parents. I want to see you side by side seeing me grow and being proud together, not continents apart.
I miss you. I miss you terribly and I look up hoping that you’re on the other side of the mountain.
You’re Loving Son.
